planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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