allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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