my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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