Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize