They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
