I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
