I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
