I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
barbara walters just said penis...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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