dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
