In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
