I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
