hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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