i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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