You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
