i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
And then he peed in my hair
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