dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize