Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
