holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How naked do you want me to be?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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