That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
