I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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