If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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