I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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