weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
