I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im six kinds of drunk right now
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
