I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
