Tell her she can't have a vagina
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
