i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
