he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
