that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
