i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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