good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
