she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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