Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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