I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
