Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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