stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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