Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
