You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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