I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
