Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
