I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
