guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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