What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
