Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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