she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize