I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
