i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
