and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
