I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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