I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
