this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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