Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
