Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
