She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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