It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
