are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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