Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
