I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize