fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
