Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
