lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
