The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
