the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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