i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
