My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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