That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
