Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
