So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
