u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
