The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
