and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
