I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
