you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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