I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
