You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
