there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
