Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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