I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
