I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
