3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
