its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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