How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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