i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
