you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
