she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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