I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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