I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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