She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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