my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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