I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
